Visit to a Rolex Retailer – Satire

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Sometime in the not too distant future.

“Good morning. Welcome to Rolex! How can I help you?”

“I’m interested in the new 41.5 mm Submariner.”

“Excellent. Still, that’s quite a size increase. Are you sure you can accommodate the additional weight and presence of your wrists?”

“I already own a 41.25 mm, so I think I can handle it.”

“Good. Some people are traumatized by the extra quarter millimeter. That’s a bold step on Rolex’s part. If you suddenly find yourself suffering from insomnia or bedwetting, support will be gathered here on Thursday There is a group.”

“Thank you. I’m sure it’ll be okay.”

“Great! All you have to do is sign this dual-indemnity life insurance policy and a legal document bequeathing all your internal organs to Rolex in case of sudden death…and a payment of $40,000 – preferably in cash. To do.”

“40 grand for a $10,000 watch!?”

“Oh, that’s not for the watch, sir. It’s just the waiting list application fee.”

“How long will you wait?”

“Doctor, do I need to remind you that Einstein already proved that time is relative?”

[Customer looks skeptical]

“However, if time is a consideration, we are pleased to announce that a new cryogenic refrigeration facility has opened next to our foundry. We will keep you on ice until a new sub is available. You can keep it.”

“Oh! And I thought it would be amazing to make your own hairspring.”

“This is all part of our new service. Once every five years, we’ll unpack you and let you know about our progress. And if you didn’t buy a Yacht-Master II instead I reprimand you.”

“We can offer you a special rental.” You could buy a DeLorean for $200,000 a day and get a Sub right away, or you could consider a Tudor Black Bay. That waiting list is only 45 years. ”

“This is insane! The entire watch industry has gone crazy!!!”

Another patron who was waiting chimed in and said, “Do you think this is insane?” Be sure to check out FP Journe Boutique. We are accepting applications for the new Chronometer Blue Squid game. ” 🥸🤡

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